Hi. My name is Kaley. And right now I am procrastinating. I am procrastinating because there are, like, so many piles of laundry everywhere. Imagine a prairie dog colony and how when the colony expands the prairie dogs must make more holes to come up for air. The laundry in my house is much like an expanding prairie dog colony. Piles just keep springing up. Sometimes I call my guest room the laundry room because it is where I put clean laundry that I intend to put away, but then never do. And sometimes when members of my family go in to the “laundry room” to find clean clothes they leave their dirty clothes in with the clean clothes and then I call that room a “Charlie Foxtrot” which is a military term that I bet you could figure out if you applied any effort at all.
I am also procrastinating because I have to finish working on my bible study which includes words in the English language that are strung together in sentences. My eyes are bleary because Henry has a touch of the croup and my brain is making sounds that a derelict factory machine might make. Grinding gears, squeaky wheels. What is that phrase, the squeaky wheel gets the oil? Did you ever wonder if the squeaky wheel just wanted a nap?
I am procrastinating because the carpet is so icky. Having kids is icky. In the not so distant past they got into the fire pit and colored the patio with charcoal and so now whenever anyone goes outside their feet turn black because the last time it rained in California was when the wooly mammoths were barreling around falling into tar pits. Have you seen the news? It’s straight fire in Cali. And as a side note I would like to say that where I live it is not the land of fruit and nuts. Where I live is where they grow artichokes and garlic and lettuce. You have to go a couple hours away to get to the almond groves- so there.
I am procrastinating because I am wearing control top underwear which are very uncomfortable because my waist in so unruly and unwilling to submit to the control of the underwear. Every time I sit down and try to concentrate I am liable to think “You know what? I shouldn’t have eaten ______________ (just go ahead and insert everything I ate this weekend, none of which was a “healthy food” besides the avocado I added to my crispy chicken sandwich)
I am procrastinating because I stayed up late watching “Naked and Afraid” for shark week, which is when they drop you in shark infested waters. Naked. And you have to survive for 21 days. And no one made clothes. And I think my priorities would go as follows: Water. Something to cover my lady bits. Food, Shelter. I SAW things they could have used. I saw them eating coconuts ok? Instead of laying around getting bitten by insects you could have been crafting an intricate coconut bra. Probably they just didn’t want the stereotypical “coconut boob tanline” that every one knows you get on naked survival shows. Don’t act like it’s too hard. One time on Project runway they went to the dollar store with 10 bucks and then crafted COUTURE BALL GOWNS. I’m just now realizing this is what Nick is talking about when he tells me I can’t prioritize what needs to get done. This is why they would find a skeleton of a woman wearing a fabulous palm frond headdress. And maybe I should be doing laundry. Or bible study. Or dishes. Or carpet cleaning. or parenting instead of writing this blog.
I’m going to do that now.