I know what you are thinking and the answer is- no. This is not an elaborate practical joke. I am indeed pregnant with my FOURTH CHILD. I’d like to answer the burning questions you have right now. I know you have them. I always do.
- Do you know how babies are made?
DO I EVER!
2. Have you heard of birth control?
I have actually. And I just trust myself to know that I’ll know when I’m ovulating. And then I don’t actually know at all and I get a lil surprise baby #3 and then again a fourth time.
3. Are you a supermom?
I don’t want you to confuse my family’s head count with good parenting. #blessed
4. You’re Michelle Duggar now right? 4 kids going on 19?
I don’t understand this comment and yet I do. But 4 is SO MANY LESS than 19. And I still have the remnants of a bayalage in my hair. Until I get sky high front/back bangs, I will not lump myself in with the Duggars. Plus, in the summertime, I still wear shorts and let Nick see my sexy knees. How do you think I got pregnant this many times?
4. How are you surviving?
I’m not really. Unless you count reading Job while laying on the floor swallowing a dry heave as surviving. Nick takes care of everyone. But as of two days ago the heaves are receding and I feel #tooblessedtobestressed. And I also got this life changing maternity pillow at a bargain fair for 2 bucks. Soo….
5. Lay a truth bomb on us.
K. I will. When I found out I was pregnant I was immediately and simultaneously filled with a giddy joy and a wary trepidation. Joy for the newborn I will receive and trepidation for the feels, the weight, the overall weakness that pregnancy delivers at my doorstep. My pregnant self prefers to lay up in a corner and lick my wounds. ALONE! But, there are those pesky older kids. And left unsupervised and undisciplined those guys go Lord of the Flies faster than you can say “just watch another episode of My Little Pony!”
6. How are your symptoms so far?
So far this pregnancy I have been able to (by the Grace of God) control my mood swings. I did hide in a closet once and cry, but I haven’t smashed anything with a bat yet. I do predict I will be sustaining a constance low level of betchiness of which I am unaware until I see Nick looking at me like this:
7. Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?
Oh. It’s a GIRL. Because of the aforementioned dry heaves and the way I’m sort of carrying her down low and real wide. Just picture Blake Lively pregnant and now picture the opposite of that and you’ll have a rough picture of what I’m working with. We’re going to name her Ginevra Weasley.
This has been so fun internet, thank you. In hindsight it was very prudent to name my blog “Nick Knocked Me Up” because he has and continues to do so. Just like the majestic manatee I love so much, I too give birth every 2 years. Now I know why manatees look that way. Maternal fat stores.