Ster wers. 

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Nick made this meme of our friend and then we unwittingly published it on the internet. And now I’m publishing it again. Because Ster Wers Dermmit.
One thing you may or may not know about me is that hate space.  As in outer space.  And thereby universally dislike TV shows or movies that take place in space- or worse– getting marooned in space.  Notable exemptions include the movie “Home” and more recently Star Wars.

Maybe those among you who like thinking about black holes and hydroponic gardening on a space station will be shocked to hear of my less than interstellar attitude.   Quite simply I can’t imagine a scenario, even like WALL-e, where I would take my chances in space over Earth.  I like Earth.  It’s pretty.  It has land and cars and gravity and cats. Would I want to be left forever in the middle of an ocean on a cruise ship?  Nope. So why be left forever on a space cruise ship?  Taking my chances on land.  Sorry. I like the feeling that I might not lose my access to oxygen at any given moment.

Whoa.  My apologies. I get really wound up about space.  Don’t get me wrong- I love seeing stars.  I just don’t want to be all up in their Milky Way.

The reason I like Star Wars is because they treat space not as the next frontier, but merely as a highway to other planets.  Planets you can taxi to in less time than it would take to get to Target.

My favorite character name in the new Star Wars is Po Dameron because his name sounds like a hearty curse word.  And I like him because he has a sass mouth. I love a good sass mouth.

*Owen colors on walls*

“Po. Dameron!!”

Star Wars passes my “not completely horrible space movie” because it lacks what some would call “accurate scientific information” and more notably, black holes.  Maybe I wasn’t listening hard enough but no one is ever sucked into a black hole. People fall down very deep holes, but they never fall victim to black holes.  No dark matter here- just dark sides.

I also find it completely fascinating that a large number of people speak robot.

BB8- “beep BOOP beep beeEEEeep”

Rey- “Yes.  I agree that the rousing rendition of Aragon’s speech at the gates of Mordor is also my favorite moment in Lord of the Rings.”

I guess robots are the new pets.  No one seemed to have a pet really, though Jabba the Hut did have that irritating rat thing.  Like, why aren’t there cows or dogs on other planets?  There are people?  Do the bizarre dinosaur things they ride in these other solar systems taste better than beef?  I have so many questions, but that is a post for another time.

I don’t care who you are, where you’ve been, what you’ve done, see the new Star Wars.  But borrow a digitally remastered Star Wars DVD set before you do.  Because you’ll want to.  You will really want to see Anakin Skywalker’s ghost have a dance party with the Ewoks.  This is really getting me pumped to go on a “why do jedi’s love rat tails” tangent but I will not.  What I will do is post this gif of kittens having a light saber fight.

giphy.com
giphy.com
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One thought on “Ster wers. 

  1. You do realize this is probably going to bump that picture up in google image search? I’ll probably be number four instead of a paltry eight.

    Bless you for this never-ending gift of hilarity. Srsly.

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