I want to write a note to all my readers, the legions of legions of you who stand waiting for me to arrive on the red carpet yelling “Kaley!! Kaley!! We can see your spanx!!” I love writing this blog so much. I feel like I’m one breastfeeding selfie away from going viral. And I’m absolutely blown away that anyone, anywhere would read it, besides my parents who have always been very supportive except for that one Chorus concert they didn’t go to in high school. Yeah, I still remember. It was the one where we forgot all the words to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” Here’s a note to you guys:
To my friends: You laughed at something I said. You saw it on my blog three days later. Don’t make it weird. You let me talk about my blog and then shamelessly plug it to all your acquaintances. I owe you much wines.
To my Norfolk mom squad: We keep it so real. We like to see each other’s literal dirty laundry. You are a dream. A DREAM!
To my family: I’m sorry I blogged about my saggy boobs on the Internet.
To my future employers: I’m sorry I blogged about my saggy boobs on the Internet.
To people who read this blog that I may meet someday in the future: When we meet, plan on me being squirrely and weird. I get to edit this, I’m way worse at that in real life.
To the men who read this: I get why you are here. I just hope you skim over the parts about my cavernous vagina.
To other purveyors of keeping it realness: You know what it’s really like out there. And I’m glad you come here. To read these deep, deep platitudes that get you through your darkest valleys. And fart memes.
Thanks for being a friend, a casual reader, a person who will overlook the grammar casualties that abound. You’re, like, the coolest.