Guys, is there an election coming up or something? It’s not that I don’t care about my country. I care deeply. My husband serves in the Navy. We own several American Flags. I’ve even read the Constitution and I can name at least 10 presidents.
It’s just that, well, texting other human people I know back is a struggle, so researching political candidates can be daunting and not really high on my priority list. “I could read up on Bernie Sanders… or I could take a shower… Shower!” It’s possible that you are thinking:
You know who I think would make a really good president? Captain Barnacles of the Octonauts.
I know right?? You do too, don’t you? Look at that authoritative pose. Captain Barnacles would run in the Green Party, his platform would be a literal iceberg. His military prowess would win him conservative votes, but his heart for environmental issues would endear him to the liberals. His amicable diplomacy style shines when he encounters animals that have a strike first ask questions later mentality.
His running mate would obviously be Quasi. Quasi is ridiculous and would be the butt of a lot of Tonight Show jokes. #YEOW Peso could be his Secretary of State. He adds some diversity to the ticket. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m voting Octonauts 2016.*
*I am completely ridiculous