Dinner is necessary, sure, but is it fun? That depends on how much
wine mommy juice you’re comfortable with drinking while parenting young children. I kid I kid. Here are my top 10 dinner activities all parents enjoy.
- Desperate Measures: I’m not talking about cups. I’m talking about how you are totally okay with the fact that your kid is currently naked and piling dog food in his underwear in the laundry room. Hey! He’s out of my hair, I can season this meat.
- Burn Unit Patrol: I’m not the most observant person. In fact, I’m not observant at all. But my kids can sneak up on the stove with a stool faster than you can stir a noodle. “No feeling the STOVE! Go put dog food in your underwear!”
- The Chase: You’ve gotten dinner ready. Now you’ve got to catch the unsuspecting victims. And though they’ve been begging for food all day, and dinner happens every day, you’ve still got to entice them to the table. It’s paradoxical that you can’t get them out of the kitchen while you’re cooking, but as soon as you lay the food out *poof* Left Behind.
- Lying: You’ve had eggplant plenty of times. You lurve eggplant. You know who loves eggplant? Mickey Mouse. Mickey Mouse farms eggplant and then Minnie makes soup out of it in the Mouska-Kitchen. And then their eggplant soup got picked up by Whole Foods and they made enough to add a master bedroom addition to the Clubhouse. The moral of the story is: Eat your eggplant.
- Cajoling: I feel like I’m the heckler at a major sports arena. “Eaaat Yourrrr Mee-eat!”
- Bathroom Policing: Ain’t no potty time like dinner time. Oh I’m not talking about the kids, I’m talking about their dad. “I know you’re playing games in there!!!!”
- Cringing: Can you paint with all the colors of the wind? Maisy’s favorite medium is sour cream.
- Singing: We have a rule that no one can leave the table until everyone is done. Unless I have to feed the baby. Okay, sorry. I’m just above the rules alright?? But dinner time is our favorite time to sing “Row your Boat” in rounds, or practice Little Bunny Foo Foo. But often we say “You can’t sing Old MacDonald until you eat your meat!”
- Taking Videos and Photos: A lot of my iPhone pictures are from dinnertime. But a person has got to do something the pass the time between Owen waffling on about zoo animals to get out of eating anything.
- Prayer: “Dear Jeebus, thank you for dis chicken, and da rice. And brammy’s house. Amen”
It’s five o clock somewhere. Which means you should send up a prayer for parents of toddlers everywhere. But two more hours until bed time!