making it up.

I’ve noticed that my use of smoke and mirrors has worked, in my favor, to fool people into thinking that I might have my act together.  For example, I may not have showered in 3 days, but I will have make up on.  A person who has seen me with not a stitch of make up is a close friend indeed.  I need make up.  I need make up like I need air.  I need make up like Joanie needs Chachi.  I need it guys.  I don’t want my face to look like a pie pan.  My other fear is that I over do the make up so people are commenting out of shock.  My goal is to hit somewhere in between a Kardashian and that scary clown from American Horror Story.

 

etonline.com
etonline.com
I can go a little heavy on the eye liner when I’m feeling fat.

Oh, and my hair.  I abide by the old adage “The higher the hair, the closer to God.”  But the reason my hair is blow dried is because I have psoriasis in my head.  Gross right?  Ewww.

giphy.com
Ew!

So if I don’t blow dry it I itch worse than a lonely house wife with a coke habit.  (That illustration could be spot on or really weak.  I wouldn’t know okay?  The D.A.R.E. program worked for me.)

As for my dress I usually wear maternity tights and put a scarf on.  The scarf is an accessory and it paints the illusion that you had time to fuss over your outfit.  Truthfully I’ve got about 5 shirts that fit.  So, it’s “What shirt is clean?”  Wear that.  Then pair with scarf.  Ta-da!  You don’t look haggard.  (You, in actuality, do look haggard, but the scarf acts as a distraction from your face, to pull peoples eyes away.)

And so that’s how I am (Or I am not) fooling people into thinking I may not be a hot mess.

 

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