I know this will come as a shock to all of you on account of my innate grace and decidedly athletic build. I played no sports growing up. Not one. Not toddler soccer, not dodgeball. I read books and adamantly refused to exercise. My family coerced me into going to Navy basketball games. I went for the hot dogs.
Then I met Nick. That hunky guy I call my husband. So for Nick I slowly over the past 14 years have learned about football and come to love Tom Brady’s exquisite jaw line. I even know a bit about baseball.
I will never, never, ever understand the mean spirited nature of football fans. Ever. I actually feel sorry during the game of “Sorry.” Uno makes me queasy and sabotaging someone in Catan is just plain astounding. You may have heard some things about “deflate gate”. I’m sad because I like my team. I’m going to root for them in the Super Bowl. Many of you wont. Some people have even hoped and wished that they would “rot in hell” because of this “scandal”. Oh my gosh really? You think they should bathe in eternal hell fire? Oh my gosh what’s wrong with you! Every team has a scandal, employs a garden variety of thugs, and generally I think we can all agree it wouldn’t make us stop rooting for our team.
“Your team sucks!”
“You are right. I like your team now”
Lololol, that would never happen!!
I know life isn’t fair and I know football is so ridiculously trivial in the light of all the heartbreaking things that are going on in our world. I guess I’m trying to say to everyone- give peace a chance. Maybe choose to be a logical human being and don’t give into this apparent supernatural rage you’ve been hiding. And maybe if you are me and you are super duper pregnant you should stop reading comments by Internet trolls and weeping for Tom Brady. #bigfeelings
But really that guy who is hoping the Patriots will rot in hell might want to get checked out before something like this happens (when you cray cray you get jail time) #ispeakforthetrees
Also, watch this.