FAQ’s

Motherhood and pregnancy will cause you to do things that you would otherwise advise against if asked.  The number one thing on my list is ludicrous Google searching while parenting.  It’s right up there with drunk texting and thinking you can keep up in the Hip Hop class at the gym.  (You can’t, and you shouldn’t)  The main reason you shouldn’t is because you’ll stumble upon mother Q & A threads.  Some subjects I’ve googled are toddler nightmares, sleep regression of all ages, peanut allergies, “why is my toddler tearing books apart with his teeth”, and mastitis.  And I’ll go ahead and save you some time on this one, lots of livestock get mastitis, so just do not Google that.  Crack open a parenting book, the internet has little help on this subject unless you are a lactating heifer.  (You’re not even though you feel like you are)  You’re going to find all sorts of seedy, in need of spell check advice.  Clicking on these feeds feels a lot like eating your fifth brownie.  “Why am I doing this?  This is bad for me!”  But you stick that meaty paw in there and grab that brownie.  #willpower

Anyway, don’t do it.  Just go to sleep.  In the morning you’ll be leagues less concerned about why your toddler is eating books by the shelf.  You’ll just nickname him Dewey Decimal and get on with your life.

Because YOLO!

Get off that google.  I see you!

 

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