I like meeting and getting to know people. I like talking. I have no filter. I live a dangerous life.
I have a blog. I share my thoughts. About my boobs. Which remain on the internet forever. (Not my actual boobs, just thoughts on my boobs.) But at least the blog has a backspace button. Rereads and proofreads and if a guy whose tattoo you’ve made fun of comes back to find your blog- a delete button.
A variety of bad situations can come out of over sharing. First there’s platonic over sharing, which is a side effect of lacking foresight:
Me: “I think it’s weird when people deliberately wait to name their children until they’re born. All new borns look like shriveled potatoes. Are you going to name your baby ‘Wrinkleheimer Schmidt?'”
Stranger lady: “My husband and I waited until our children were born to name them.”
Me: “Of course you did” *backs away slowly*
I can unintentionally insult anyone anywhere. It’s a gift, up there with telekinesis and prophecy.
A self over share:
Person I am just meeting: “Hi.”
Me: “Oh my gosh, I’m sweating through my underwear. Are you hot too?”
Note to self. Stop talking about sweat. This is a blanket ban.
A spouse over share:
Nick is very private. And so often times he does not want me to share sensitive information about him. Which, I obviously respect and never do. 😐
“And I’m sorry for telling everyone about it now”
A word vomit over share:
I know you have to go. I see you backing away slowly to your car. I’m aware I’m still talking. I can’t help it. It’s a disease. Create a distraction and run- that’s the only way anyone’s getting out of here alive. Of two things I am sure of. That my name is Kaley and that I will linger. I. will. linger.
A secret over share:
“Want to know the deepest most secret tragedy of my adult life. No? I’ll share anyway.” Does it count as gossip if I just told you because I have no self control? Let’s hope that’s a yes. If you’re my friend, know that I can keep a secret. It’s more like my own secrets I can’t keep. I just farted.
A feelings over share:
Haaay everyone. I’m having an emotional day. I know you didn’t know we were this close, but let’s dig in and process these emotions together. Said Kaley to the lady at the Target check out line.
To you introverts who keep it close to the chest, I envy you FOR real. You’re just sitting there all composed and mysterious. What are you thinking?? Everyone knows what I’m thinking because I blurt it out.
Let’s just cut this off now, before I linger.
Outtie Three Thousand!