My pregnant brain hurts. I’m starting to lose my mind. I forgot how to read street signs a week ago and I still haven’t figured it out. Does the sign of the street you’re on run parallel or perpendicular to the road?
I went out to a hipster cafe and they didn’t have soda, so I went for a decaf option. When inquiring about the decaf options the waitress informed me that I could, indeed, drink caffeine during my pregnancy. I was like “Please, this is my third pregnancy. I’ve had two chai’s today and you had better step off and get me my damn limeade.” Giving third pregnancy lady advice. Get outta here.
During the 2nd trimester ultrasound Nick and I tried to drum up the starry eyed wonder that I assume most ultrasound techs are looking for. Instead Nick dozed off in his seat in the dark and I silently panicked about the the implications of feeding three children. I’d be so much easier if they just delivered babies by stork. “Do you hear flapping Nick? Oh my gosh! Look! It’s our baby!!” I can see it now. Amazon Stork. They better have free shipping.
Look in mirror. Say, stop getting fat. Get feelings. Say, you should probably eat some Fritos.