You may have noticed that I hate on my post baby body, like a lot. I hate to be a hater, so let me tell you why I do what I do.
Magazines are all like:
Then I was all like:
And maybe I thought that I too would lose all my baby weight instantaneously and effortlessly. That I would have the energy to diet. I wouldn’t get mastitis and lose all energy and my will to live. I wouldn’t have janky hips that make it hard to go on the elliptical machine at the gym.
I want all mah gurls to know- it’s okay to be gross after you have a baby, because that’s what happens. That’s real life. It’s stretch marks and peeing your pants at very inconvenient times (because you can’t do kegels without making a weird face) and stress eating a bunch of cookies because you let your kids watch too much tv on a rainy day and will that impair their brain function and later on their college education??
I mean, you gotta lose the weight at some point, but give yourself a year. For serious. Thank the fashionistas in NYC for perpetuating this tights and baggy shirt trend and take a deep deep breath.
You have back boobs? That’s okay.
You have Mama June chins? That’s a-okay.
Your knees got fat? It happens.
Fat feet? You’re fine!
Sagging butt cheeks? Werk it girl!
That’s why I hate. To validate. Because back boobs exist. (Besides, those celebrities are blowing smoke anyways)