You may have noticed that I hate on my post baby body, like a lot.  I hate to be a hater, so let me tell you why I do what I do.

Magazines are all like:


Then I was all like:

Family Portraits-0016

And maybe I thought that I too would lose all my baby weight instantaneously and effortlessly.  That I would have the energy to diet.  I wouldn’t get mastitis and lose all energy and my will to live.  I wouldn’t have janky hips that make it hard to go on the elliptical machine at the gym.

I want all mah gurls to know- it’s okay to be gross after you have a baby, because that’s what happens.  That’s real life.  It’s stretch marks and peeing your pants at very inconvenient times (because you can’t do kegels without making a weird face) and stress eating a bunch of cookies because you let your kids watch too much tv on a rainy day and will that impair their brain function and later on their college education??

I mean, you gotta lose the weight at some point, but give yourself a year.  For serious.  Thank the fashionistas in NYC for perpetuating this tights and baggy shirt trend and take a deep deep breath.

You have back boobs?  That’s okay.

You have Mama June chins?  That’s a-okay.

Your knees got fat?  It happens.

Fat feet?  You’re fine!

Sagging butt cheeks?  Werk it girl!

That’s why I hate.  To validate.  Because back boobs exist.  (Besides, those celebrities are blowing smoke anyways)


3 thoughts on “haters.

  1. Love, love, love this post! Hilarious and so true! Non-celebrity moms don’t have personal trainers, personal chefs and au pairs to help them get back into shape. Thanks for keepin’ it real Kaley!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s