“They’re two, they’re four, they’re six, they’re eight. Shunting trucks and hauling freight. Red, and green, and brown, and blue. They’re the really useful crew!”
If you are a parent to a two- four year old boy, you know these words I am singing. Type singing. Thought singing? Not the point. It’s Thomas the Tank Engine. Or as Owen calls him “Tommy Cank.” This post is where I gripe about everything that annoys me about Thomas and Friends.
Thomas is shown in Great Britain, Canada, and the US. In Great Britain, Thomas has an English accent. They call Sir Topham Hat (The railroad manager, who by golly, just so happens to wear a tophat) the fat controller. So not PC England! In the US, Thomas has the voice of an annoying seven year old American boy, but some minor characters do not have their accents changed, like Den, who has a thick Irish accent.
Let me summarize every episode for you. First, there’s some alliteration. (My rods are rattling. Fizzling Fireboxes! He wheezed and whooshed. He whooshed and wheezed!)
Then there’s some rhyming. (Busy bees are happy bees when it’s warm and sunny. Busy bees are working hard making lots of honey!)
Then Thomas effs it up b-i-g time. (Wait for the giraffe trainer Thomas. Nope! Thomas, don’t take the bees through the field. Thomas takes bees through field. Take my very important visitors on a ride Thomas. Thomas drops VIPs in rock quarry, including old man with cane)
Sir Topham hat comes down like the hard a$$ he is. “Damn you Thomas! How hard is it to take Lady Hat to tea?!”
Then Thomas blushes. There’s a lot of blushing in this show.
Next, Owen understands the blushing and yells “Oh no!!”
Finally, Sir Topham Hat, otherwise known as The Fat Controller, says something really encouraging and then Thomas fixes everything and there’s a big hairy love fest.
Last pet peeve? Edward, Henry, and Emily are virtually never featured on any episodes and I know nothing about them, except for that Henry “toots and huffs and puffs.” Oh, and that Emily “really knows her stuff.”
And it’s like Thomas the Tank Engine industries has my number. Every time Owen learns a new trains name, I immediately want to buy him that train. Seriously, it’s cute when a kid who can’t say sandwich shouts “Diesel Ten!” with joy. Trust me, there’s no shortage of marketable trains… mostly because they keep producing more episodes, with more trains, that they turn into toys, that I then want to buy. I made Nick buy Owen the train Diesel last week. Consumerism.
Here’s to inevitably spending too much money on Owen’s probably Thomas themed third birthday party in eleven months!