It’s time. It’s time for you to all find out how I gave birth. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll cringe. Some of you might not even read it at all, but instead scroll to find a cute baby picture. Only time will tell.
Owen came on his due date. My water broke and I was given pitocin to jump start labor. I had an epidural and it was the bomb.com. I was hoping to have a similar experience with Maisy. (Insert cynical laughter here) Because my mom was here for two weeks I was able to convince the midwife (only because my large intimidating husband came along) to schedule an induction the day after my due date, just in case she didn’t want to come. Monday, my due date, came and went. I was to go in on Tuesday evening to get a foley bulb and then Wednesday they would start pitocin at 5 am. So, Nick and I go in on Tuesday. I was having mild contractions. It turns out I was dilated 3 cm. They did the foley bulb anyway. Don’t know what this is? A giant tube they stick up your hoo haa then fill with water. It’s like a va-jay-jay pop or water balloon. It helps dilate the cervix to 4 cm, then it falls out. Mine fell out in 15 minutes. I should have known then…
Then I took an ambien and planned to sleep until my 5 am wake up call. Maisy had other ideas. My contractions started getting intense at 11 pm. They told me I could have some nubain to take the edge off and to help me sleep. At this point I was still 4cm. So, at midnight I was given the drugs. Unfortunately I was woken up by crazy intense contractions an hour later. 30 minutes later (1:30 am) I called the nurses. They checked me. I was NINE CENTIMETERS! “Call for the epidural!” I feebly cry! They do. The doctor comes in a few minutes later. She checks me. I’m TEN CENTIMETERS! “You’ll have to start pushing” she says. “What about the epidural?” I feebly cry.
And that’s when I wanted to die. My water exploded on the nurse and and drenched her and my bed. I rolled around on the bed, didn’t breathe through my contractions, and pushed when I wasn’t supposed to. You know why? Because when you go through natural childbirth you have a plan. I had NO plan. My plan was a spinal tap. I pushed for about 15 minutes and Maisy was born! What can I say about pushing a baby out? Four words. Burning ring of fire. Emphasis on burn. And I screamed, but according to Nick, not as loud as I perceived I was screaming. That was embarrassing. But girls, that hurts. Hurts like hades. Then they push down on your stomach to get all the extra blood and clots and other nauseating things. That hurt like a mofo. Didn’t feel that the first time when my entire body was numb. Then I had a baby and it was great. I was still in a lot of pain because Maisy was one entire pound bigger than Owen, and I pushed her out in under an hour. One word for that. Vicodin. Woot! (I think they gave me vicodin b/c they felt bad about me not getting an epidural).
In summation- While I did go in to get induced, I was never actually induced. She came before they had the chance. If I hadn’t been in the hospital, I would have given birth to Maisy on the highway, because that’s how fast I dilated. 4cm to 9cm in an hour. Good thing too, because transitional labor ain’t no joke and it hurt. If you choose natural childbirth good for you, but now that I’ve experienced both, I liked having an epidural. I sure did. I’m having a slower recovery than I thought, she was bigger, she came faster, and I had to have a shot to curb my bleeding (which was mildly excessive)- So I have to watch my action level as to not exacerbate my bleeding situation. No tearing though, so that’s a-ok.
And that’s how Maisy came into the world.