on how to hide how fat you are from people who only see you on the internet.

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Why yes Jim, yes I have.

I’ve said before that I often resort to using witchcraft and trickery to make myself look thinner than I actually am.  That and spanx, but at 9 months pregnant, I am FAR beyond the help of spanx.  It’s kind of like I’m carrying three babies.  One in my uterus and one in each thigh.  I have knuffle top.  Which is knee muffin top.  I just made that up.  Not that I have knuffle top, just the phrase knuffle top itself.  Anyway, I digress.

Let’s check out how one can appear thin, whilst all the while being a total heifer.  I’ll start with the cat, since I’d like you all to have to scroll in order to see my fat picture.

Look at how great Twinky looks!

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Same day, a few minutes later, different angle.  I think, in retrospect, that naming her “Twinky” turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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Here’s me.  I’ve posted this picture before.  Downward angle.  Not smiling.  Works every time.  I appear thin.

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Hold onto your britches y’all, because Nick took this horrifying picture of me last week.

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Ha ha, just kidding!  Here I am really.

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I can’t believe I actually posted this.

Yes, that’s me.  That’s my dump truck butt.  I kind of thought this maxi dress was flattering.  It’s not.  It’s just not.

And there you have it.  Actually, that’s not even that bad.  Even though that’s from just a week ago, the humidity just set in at it’s worst, and I have cankles and wrist cankles, and a neck cankle.  Point is, I’m swollen.  I haven’t been swollen recently because God put his hand over Mississippi and he said “Thou shall not be hot, thou shall be cool and breezy, for my child Kaley.”  Or he said “Simma down y’all, Kaley’s pregnant” but I’m not sure if God speaks in regional dialects or not.

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3 thoughts on “on how to hide how fat you are from people who only see you on the internet.

  1. I had to laugh really quietly because my daughter is napping, and woe to anyone who wakes her up. I’m still laughing, actually. I remember the summer I was pregnant, it had to be the hottest summer ever, but maybe that’s because I was carrying 30 lbs of extra fat/baby/placenta/hormones. You look absolutely beautiful! Way better than Jessica Simpson. 😉

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